So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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