he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
