At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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