I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
