your room smells of hookers.
And success
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
