dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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