well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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