You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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