I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
