she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
