she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
