the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
