hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
