He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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