I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
