idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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