At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
