Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
