My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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