she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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