bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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