So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
