my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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