I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
