wanna go halves on a baby?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
