My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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