Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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