I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
