i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
