i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
