I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
