so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
