Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
