FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
