he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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