dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
