and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
