We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize