So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
