I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
