I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
