Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
did i just pee glitter
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
