Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
