he wants to bone in the snuggie
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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