i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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