i need an iv and a liver transplant
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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