I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
