I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
