i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
In America we eat man semen.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
