census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
