At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
