I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
