So drunk its hurt
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
