the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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