my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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