my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
