I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
