The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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