the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
