I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
