I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
