Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
