In the future we'll all be gay
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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