If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
