Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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