I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
