Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
