drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
