it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
