who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
