I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
