how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
