this boner is exhausting
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
