I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
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Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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