mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
