found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
