What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
