There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's like iHOP with fire
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
