hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
