they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
