But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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