There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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