Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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