is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
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