Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
