Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we're making bets on your personal life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
